To All Those I've Loved Before
by EvanescentDream93
Summary: When ever Harry Hook wants to get over a crush, he writes a letter to the person before putting it in the small wooden chest his mother gave him. The letters had only been meant for him to see. They were never supposed to get out... Inspired by "To All the Boys I've Loved Before".


_**Chapter 1: The Letters**_

Harriet breaking up with Jay the night before she left for college in France was unexpected.

Harry could almost believe that he had dreamed it up - some weird food dream caused by his Da's poor attempt at a fish supper - if it wasn't for the fact that he could clearly hear Harriet and Jay arguing in the front lawn for all the neighborhood to hear.

"How long do you think they're gonna go at it?" CJ sighed leaning against his room's door frame.

He ran his hand through his hair, pushing away from the window and opening a window on his computer screen to the loudest playlist he had to drown out the couple's arguing.

"I don't know, Callie," he finally sighed, leaning back in his desk chair, the thick smell of burned fish still hanging in the air. No one had really been able to humor Captain Hook's cooking, Harriet quickly pulling Jay outside after he had showed her the plane ticket he had saved up months for to visit her during Thanksgiving break.

"Do you think they'll break up?" CJ asked, attempting to look bored but actual concern still managed to find its way into her voice. Harriet and Jay had been dating for the last two years and Jay had become such a staple in their home during that time. Jay spent more time at their house than at his own home that even Harry was already feeling the ache at the realization that with Harriet leaving and the possibility that she and Jay may be breaking up, the Hook household would feel two people empty.

"Again, Callie," Harry said a little too gruffly, the accent that never quite went away - unlike both his sisters' - even after they moved from Scotland when he was eight (the year their mom died...). "Ah dinnae ke!"

"Okay, okay. You don't know! Geez!" CJ threw her hands up defensively. "No need to go all heavy ass accent on me. You know I can't fucking understand what you're saying half the time when you do that," she mumbled as she left his room.

Harry let out another deep breath, flopping backwards onto his bed calling out a half-hearted, "Language!" after the eleven year old.

Harriet and Jay breaking up.

Harriet and Jay _not_ a couple.

Jay not dating _Harriet._

Harry momentarily felt a flicker of excitement at that thought. Jay had been his oldest friend here in the states and before Harriet had even thought of Jay romantically, Harry had already fell for the boy who was always smiling despite the cuts and bruises he got from his persistent reckless behavior back when they were both eight and Harry was a scrawny wee little lad who spoke funny. Jay had been the only one to stand up for the young Scot, even taking the blame for a fight Harry had started in anger when another kid had mocked his then over exuberant love for pirates.

" _Don't listen to them,"_ Jay had said to a teary eye Harry, his lip split and swollen but his smile never leaving his face. " _Pirates are cool! Like, can you imagine all the shiny treasure a pirate must have?"_

And with that Harry had fallen for Jay, hook (no pun intended), line, and sinker.

But just as the flicker of excitement filled Harry, it was just as quickly snuffed out by guilt. No, he couldn't do that to Harriet. Nevermind that she was the one who would probably be initiating the break up. Harriet was not only his older sister, she was his best friend, the one he first came out to, all nervous energy and sweaty hands and cracking voice, when he realized that he liked girls _and_ boys, even before he told their Da, the man he had always looked up to and was so afraid to disappoint. Harriet was the one who didn't laugh when she caught him one day messing around with her makeup, eyes circled too thickly in eyeliner and instead wordlessly tossed him makeup remover wipes before showing him the proper way to apply eyeliner and not look like a racoon.

And Harriet was the one that when their mother died and all Harry could do was cry because Mam was gone and wee Callie cried because even at age three she knew that something was wrong and all Da did was drown himself in a bottle, who stepped up, making sure that Callie was fed and that Harry did his homework and that all the alcohol was poured down the drain until their old Da realized that despite his wife's death, he was still a father and needed "to sober the hell up" (Harriet's exact words).

No, even if Jay climbed through Harry's window like he often did when they were younger, long hair flowing, muscled arms on displayed as always, and proclaimed his eternal love for him, Harry wouldn't accept because he knew that though Harriet had broken up with Jay, her feelings for the boy had, at least at one point, been very real and Harry, perhaps more than anyone, knew that just because someone's relationship status suddenly changed, the feelings just don't switch off like that.

After all, Harry had a chest of unsent letters to prove it.

Reaching under his bed, he pulling out an old chest that belonged to his mother. Along the sides were worn but still distinct carvings of waves crashing against a ship. His fingers traced along the carving, having memorized it by touch a long time ago, before opening it, revealing five letters to all those he had ever loved.

Before she had died, his mother had gotten him into the habit of writing letters to people whenever his feelings just got too much after one too many fist fights at his old school in Scotland. (Apparently he took after his ole Da in much more than just look.) As he had gotten older, Harry had learned to keep his anger in check, the need to write angry letters to those who upset him no longer necessary. But love...love was an entirely wild and untamable feeling for Harry, one that threatened to overflow out of him unless he fully processed his feelings by writing them down.

The first love letter he had ever written had been to Jane LeFae from camp. That had been the summer after his mother's death, when Captain Killian James Hook was beginning to sober back up but thought two months away from home would help his only son through his grieving process, especially after having moved to a new country. Jane had been all red cheek blushes and shy hugs, a stable presence during a time when everything else either seemed to anger or sadden him. She reminded him of his mom with the way she laughed unashamedly and full of life when it was just the two of them one day during open activity. At that moment, as they canoed along the camp's lake, Harry had known that he loved her...until she didn't come back the following summer for some reason and he never saw her again.

The second letter was written to Uma Tritaea from seventh grade. Uma had been that girl that everyone had wanted to hang out with. Harry had always thought she was pretty but it wasn't until he had been invited to Audrey Briar's party where everyone played spin the bottle that he fell for her. He had spun and the bottle had landed on her and she had smiled at him like she had caught the moon and starlight in her smile - a mesmerizing brilliance that wasn't as blinding as the sun and pulled him towards her like the moon pulls the tides. Harry's first kissed tasted like the gummy fish shaped candy she had been eating earlier and was over with the faintest of presses of her lips against his. But it was a kiss that had shocked Harry to his core, bringing back the fluttery feeling in his belly times infinity that he had felt a few years ago with Jane. But again, Harry never acted out on it, realizing his feelings too late. And anyway, Audrey, who back then had been one of his best friends, had liked Uma. So Harry, wanting to be a good friend, wrote a letter to Uma, never to be sent to her, and sealed his silly crush in an envelope, pretending like it didn't exist or that it didn't sting when towards the end of eighth grade Audrey announced that she and Uma were dating and that she was too "popular" to continue to hang out with someone with a funny accent.

The third letter was addressed to Evie Grimhilde - a recent transfer student who had been homeschooled most of her life - whom Harry had managed to drum up the courage at homecoming to ask her for a dance. It never went further than that one dance though since her mother had demanded that she come back home before it got too late and Harry was never able to call forth his earlier courage to ask her on a proper date.

The fourth to Ben Florian from fencing who had moved away after freshman year, taking away his kind smile and sharp wit with him.

And the fifth was for Jay Abanazar, the one Harry didn't realize he was in love with until he was dating his sister...

"What are you looking at?"

Speak of the devil and she will appear.

Harry quickly stuffed the letters back into his chest, shoving it back under his bed before pushing himself back onto his bed. "Porn," he said smoothly.

Harriet rolled her eyes from her spot at the door at his obvious lie before inviting herself to flop face forward onto the bed next to him. "Ugh, clean your damn room sometime, Harry. They stink," she mumbled into said sheets, not making any move to push herself away.

Harry bit back his usual sarcastic remark knowing obviously that Harriet was there for support and not their usual banter. "You okay, Ettie?"

"I broke up with him," she finally sighed, turning onto her back so that she stared up at his ceiling. "I just broke up with Jay," she said again as if she was just realizing the reality of what what she had done.

"Why?" Harry couldn't help himself from asking as he scooted so that he was staring up at his ceiling as well.

His sister sighed.

"Before Mam died,she said to not go to college with a boyfriend," Harriet explained. "Said that I couldn't have a real adventure and grow if I let someone hold me back from exploring as much as possible."

Harry frowned, looking at her. "Ye think Jay would have held ye back?"

Harriet was quiet for a moment, and the rare thought that Harriet was just two years older than him, still trying to figure out who she was too floated into his head. "I don't know," she answered truthfully turning her head to look back at him. "But I couldn't risk it. You understand, right?"

No, he didn't understand, but he nodded his head anyway because it was his turn to take care of her.

They stared back at the ceiling for a long time before Harriet pushed herself into a sitting position and Harry instantly knew that Harriet's walls were back up and she was back to her old sarcastic caretaker self.

"Your room looks like a pig pen," she frowned looking around. "Come on, dummy. You gotta be more responsible. With me going off to France, you're the only one left to make sure that Daddy doesn't burn the house down with his cooking and that CJ doesn't...well, burn the house down in general."

"Ugh," Harry groaned, covering his head with a pillow to block her voice out. "Why was I sad that ye were leavin' again? Go to frilly France! Now I'm one step closer to my plan of becoming an only child!"

The only response he heard back was Harriet's laugh as she left his room and when he heard that, Harry knew that things were going to be okay, no matter how things were obviously going to change once she left.

However, he would soon realize, two weeks after the first day of junior year, with one very enraged looking Uma Tritaea marching towards him with hell in her eyes and his open letter to her that she should never have even known about tightly gripped in her hand, that he should have never taken Harriet's laughter as anything other than an omen.

* * *

Okay, so I saw "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" on Netflix and within the first 10 minutes I knew I wanted to write this story but with my own twist. The beginning will start off similar to the movie but once the fake dating starts it'll be on its own path. I don't think you'll need to have watched the movie or have read the book but if you do have Netflix, I strongly encourage you to watch the movie because it's so cute!

Anyway, let me know what you think and whether or not you'd like to see more of this!


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